It's 2am on Christmas Eve and my period is making its monthly debut. This freakin' blows, you guys, for so many reasons. Because getting your period any day of any month sucks. First of all, I feel like absolute crap. My stomach is upset and my abdomen is twisting and wrenching and cramping and just generally being a drama queen about everything. I also have to pee like every 20 minutes. I don't know why, but it always happens. I'm tired, my back hurts, I have a headache.
Also. It's hard to be in the Christmas spirit. You don't exactly feel jolly when your uterus feels like it's going to fall out your butt. You want to rip someone's throat out with your teeth. You want to go all honey badger all up in here. You find yourself wanting to speed up instead of slow down for pedestrians. Everything everyone says makes you just a little bit more pissed off. It's like shark week in your pants and you're not happy about it.
Not to mention that now I can't wear the skirt I wanted to wear for Christmas Eve. Because it's too tight and shows panty lines. And I am not under any circumstances about to wear a THONG on the heaviest day of my flow, dang it. It's just not smart. So now I'm going to have to find something less attractive and more comfortable to wear so that nobody catches on that I'm wearing my ugly stupid period panties.
Seriously, this is totally the worst. I'm gonna have my period on Christmas and it's totally crap because I had it on Thanksgiving too and like SERIOUSLY, OVARIES?! You know how well adjusted I am with my family so you're just going to screw up not one, but TWO family-central holidays for me? You just thought, "Oh, she's usually so well-behaved around her relatives, I'm sure she won't mind a little menstruation!"??!? Well congratulations, reproductive system. You're ruining my life.
