An Actual Conversation that Took Place at Work Today or, WHAT THE FETCH IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE

There are a lot of moments in my workplace that I just want to be like, "seriously, America?" but I can't because part of my job is to be really fetchin' polite to everyone. Moments including guys depositing a large pool of spit on the sidewalk for everyone to see/step in, people asking me to screen them for colon cancer and women who wear heels to baseball games. But today I had an encounter that really took stupid jerk to a whole new level. Here's approximately how it all went down:

Man approaches me looking angry. I smile at him in a friendly manner which seems to darken his mood even more.'

Man: I bought these tickets over the phone and paid like forty bucks and they're not what I asked for.

Me: Oh, not what you asked for? I'm sorry, which tickets did you ask for?

Man: The guy on the phone said there'd be air conditioning.

Me: Oh, well in that-

Man: There's no air conditioning.

Me: Not in your seats, no, but in the indoor club area-

Man: there's no air conditioning in there.

Me: ...um... yes, I think there is...?

Man: (growing more angry and irrational) NO THERE'S NOT.

Me: (confused and growing impatient) There is supposed to be...?

Man: It's like 80 degrees in there-

Me: ...and 104 out here.

Man: I asked for seats inside in the air conditioning, I paid $40, the man on the phone said I'd get that and my seats are behind home plate.

Me: ...those are really good seats.

Man: There's no air conditioning.

Me: (annoyed) Well no, they're outside and you can't exactly air condition the outdoors.

Man: I didn't get what I paid for.

Now at this point I'm pissed. It's hot as balls, I've been outside for six hours sweating and this idiot is yelling at me for his own stupidity.

Me: Actually, YEAH, you did get EXACTLY what you paid for. I'm guessing since you're complaining about spending $40, you aren't going to want to drop the cash for a nightly suite, which runs $645. Without spending that, the club seats are the only thing that is going to come close to that. Sorry. I don't know what you're asking me for. I don't know what to do for you.

Man: Well then fine. Maybe I just won't come back.

Me: Well that's just fine because I never want to see your dumb-ass cheapskate moron face around here ever again.

Just kidding. But I did say this:

Me: Ok, or you could talk to my manager like a rational adult.

And then I called my manager who had to deal with him. And then he ended up storming out of the park anyway. Hey, man, if you want air conditioning, don't come to a baseball game. They're played OUTSIDE. I don't know who peed in his cheerios this morning but the way he was acting he probably had it coming 12 times over.