Cows, Corn and... Cannibals?

[I wrote this yesterday before I found a wireless hotspot. Keep that in mind.]

Hello! And welcome to small town America. I’m your host, Glory, and we’re going to talk about Erie, Kansas, population 1150. Aren’t you sooooooo excited?! I know I am!

We came to Erie to see my family; my 88 year old grandmother lives here and so does my great aunt. I’ve been coming here for 20-odd years and I feel like there is less and less to do every time except just be cynical and confused by other peoples’ life choices. Right now, for example, I’m watching a game of chinese checkers. Why? Because there is no internet, no cable, no phone service and it’s hot as balls, what with it being Kansas in July. The mosquitos are bigger and meaner, the sun is hotter and the air is wetter. In short, it’s like Nebraska but worse.

Erie is the kind of town where people don’t lock their doors and leave their sheds open but makes me personally paranoid that I’m going to get taken by some crazed lunatic who wants to make my skin into a pair of assless chaps. I’m afraid to go outside at night because NOTHING GOOD HAPPENS IN SMALL TOWNS AT NIGHT. Believe me. Watch the movies. Children of the Corn, anyone? How about Signs? Amityville Horror? You see my point.

I was wondering. Do they have weird small towns in other parts of the country or is it just the midwest? Seems like they just lend themselves to the midwest so well, with all the farming communities and cornfields and far away neighbors.

(Sidenote: I can’t WAIT to have a family so we can all get our portrait taken together that will make everyone feel REALLY uncomfortable in coming years.)

So here I am, and here we are. I’ll stay for about 48 hours, eat some really bad-for-you food and maybe go walk along the side of the highway looking for someone to take me back to their trailer and get me pregnant. Oh, did I say that out loud? What I meant was turtles. Looking for turtles. My bad.

Why am I so gosh darn cynical?

Anyway, I'm also making you all a video, taking you on a tour of the sparkling midwestern gem that is Erie, Kansas. You'll get to enjoy that in a later post.

Love,

Glory.

EDIT: Just kidding about the video. I lost interest after about the first clip.