I am under the impression that I am never going to get married. There are several reasons for my thinking. Some are actually rational thoughts. Others may or may not be delusions based on general melodramatic tendencies coupled with a poor self-image.
1. I am a Rookie.
Basically, I've had one relationship in my lifetime and I've spent the last... oh... year and a half or so trying to forget it ever happened. So I consider myself to have no relationship skills or knowledge. Nobody that I'd like to date seems interested in dating me. Which brings me to my next point.
2. I attract the wrong kind of guys.
Here's a sampling of the guys who have showed interest in me in the past 10 years:
✎ Wore snow boots every day, wrote me notes containing Backstreet Boys lyrics.
✎ Turned out to be extremely gay.
✎ Wore Hawaiian shirts and cowboy boots every day, favorite movie was The Sound of Music, brought me a corsage to every dance even though he was never my date.
✎ 3 years older than me, got a 14 on his ACT and ended up shoving his tongue down my throat in the middle of the hall after school one day.
✎ Was borderline insane, probably suicidal, and cut my name into his arm once.
✎ Played the trombone, read Manga, didn't wash his hair, had a ferret and honked my boobs.
There was also an autistic boy in there but I can't complain about him because he was absolutely darling (and also that would make me a horrible person). Anyway, none of these guys were/are bad people. (Actually one of them might be.) It's just that I'm not interested in Manga, video games, spit valves or having my boobs honked. The guys I attract are the ones I have nothing in common with, and the ones that nobody else seems to have much in common with either. It's kinda frustrating.
3. I want it.
It's kind of like Hillary Clinton wanting to be president too badly (except not at all). I want to get married and therefore it will probably never happen. I want it too bad. I'm overzealous to the point of being scary. Actually I'm not yet, but the longer I want it, the more likely I am to become so. A lot of my friends are getting married right now too, and seeing them get their "happily ever after" just makes me want my own even more. I know that I'm really young and that there is no rush, but yeah there kind of is because the end of the world is only 567 days away...
4. I'm really socially awkward.
Not only am I not that attractive (I'm torn between thinking I'm kind of pretty and thinking I'm unfortunate-looking so I usually take the latter), but I'm also one of the most socially awkward people you will ever meet. Just today at work, I was in the bathroom and was singing "Pocket Full of Sunshine" and shaking my butt while drying my hands without even noticing I was doing it. I only noticed when I had to stop and ask myself, "why is that woman laughing at me?" Also, if you were to come into my room at 2am on any given night, there is like a 30% chance you'll see this:
My swimsuit makes me feel like Lady Gaga so I put it on to make a video for my best friend who lives far away, but then I got distracted. There's also a 45% chance that I'll be making dinosaur noises in my bed and a 15% chance I'll be coloring a picture in my underwear and a 4% chance I'll be singing "Friday" and playing the guitar. Which leaves only a 6% chance of me sleeping and/or acting like a normal person.
So who's gonna be crazy enough the marry THIS?:
Probably not someone that I'm going to want to marry, unfortunately.
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