I'm going to tell you about my first day of school. I know this post is kind of late-seeming but I work on my own time table. Time is nothing but a string of moments anyway, drifting towards... you know what? Screw it, hippies, I'm just gonna tell you about my day.
For some reason when I printed off my schedule it was listed in reverse order. But I didn't realize that at the time, as I lack all foresight and common sense, so basically I just went to the first room listed. It wasn't until 10 minutes into the class when I realized it was Psychology 1010 instead of History 3200. "Balls," I though. I considered just sitting there the whole class period and not doing anything about it, but that seemed like it would be a huge waste of everyone's time. Plus how was I supposed to explain to my history professor that I just sat through a completely non-essential class for an hour and a half or something. The professor asked for us to introduce ourselves and then asked for volunteers. My hand shot up. She called on me and I said, "Hi, my name is Glory, and I'm not supposed to be in this class, so I'm just gonna go. Byeeeee." And I got up and walked out. And everyone laughed. But in a good way. I think.
Then I find my REAL first class. I take a deep breath and open the door and... oh crap the door is locked. And the reason I know this is: when I pulled on the door, it wouldn't open. So I just ended up falling over backwards. In front of everyone. And then they opened the door for me and the only seat available was....
In the front. I shoved by a few people and took a seat and could feel everyone judging me. The only saving grace is that I looked pretty decent. I wasn't in sweatpants and a baggy tank top toting a Victoria's Secret bag around. Not that there's anything wrong with that... I'm just saying that at least I looked sort of more interesting than that.
Nothing interesting happened in that class, aside from gaining the knowledge that pork is the most comparable meat to human flesh. I'm sure all of you were dying to know that. Nothing terribly interesting happened in the next class either but at least the professor seems cool. WAY better than my last English Comp 1 professor, who was this horrible skinny girl who didn't know Thoreau from Jesus and wouldn't shut up about her cat.
Sometimes it's frustrating to be surrounded by idiots. I should have gone to one of the hundreds of REAL colleges that were dying to have me. (Am I being sarcastic or not? You'll never know. Anyone remember what my ACT score was?) Anyways.
Then the last class I had that day was.... well, my professor told us all his life story very animatedly until I pointedly said, "I'm sorry, but that's Westside Story." And he was like, "Yes! Thank you! I've been waiting for someone to catch that all day!" And I smiled uncomfortably and tried not to look at him the rest of the class. The girl I sit next to is 17 years old. She's been dual enrolled since she was 15. And she's probably going to graduate before me.
You know, it's really miraculous that I don't just give up, what with me being the epic loser that I am. I really honestly think that all I'm good for 99% of the time is a laugh. My mom was like, "You're the female David Sedaris without the homosexuality and screwed up childhood!" And I was like... Sighhhhhh.
Anyway. That was basically my first day of school. This semester isn't terribly exciting but at least I'll more than likely ace everything. My Illustration class is really fun though. That's all for now. I'm gonna go take my clothes off and roll in glitter to the throbbing beat of a slutty techno song. And by that I mean I'm going to go have some yogurt.
Out.
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