Another Sick-Bay Post

Sometimes I sit and draw wedding dresses on scraps of shiny white wrapping paper that my mother uses to wrap wedding gifts, and sometimes I go to bridal shops with a fake engagement ring and try on dresses, just to see what it would feel like to wear one.

Sometimes I look at BYU's website and read their course offerings and majors lists.

Sometimes I put on karaoke music and sing in the shower.

Sometimes I try to make fancy cupcakes 100% from scratch.

Sometimes I photoshop pictures to make my teeth whiter.

Sometimes I spend 3 or 4 hours looking at YSL and Christian Louboutin shoes online.

Sometimes I try to sew stuff that isn't from a pattern.

Sometimes I write things... I've been working on a novel for years.

Sometimes I forget to be an adult and dream like a child. Sometimes I enjoy myself. And then sometimes when I snap back to reality it hurts so much I can hardly breathe because I know that I will never be pretty enough to get married or smart enough to go to BYU, or rich enough to buy YSL or talented enough to really sing or sew or bake or get my work published. Crushing your dreams one at a time is one of the worst feelings.