The Weather Sucks and So Does Nostradamus.

I've been... sick. Yeah. We'll go with that. Saying any more is both incriminating and complicated.

It snowed today. I hate that it snowed today. Because snow brings the reality of having four seasons right back to spit frost in my face. And I'm not down with that. Not even close to being down with that. Also, with midwestern weather having the flair for the dramatic it does, it thunder-snowed. Where else does that happen?

The fact that I don't control the weather endlessly frustrates me. I heard it was 70 yesterday (I don't know because I wasn't allowed outside) but then it snowed today? Seriously? Here's how it should be: It's 70-78 degrees for 85% of the year. It's cool and fall weather-y for 9% of the year, hot enough to go swimming for 4% of the year and then it will snow on December 23rd about 4 inches, enough to be pretty and play in but not enough to really disrupt life. We will have a white christmas. And then it will all melt by New Year and go back to being awesome until next December 23rd.

In other news, 52 days until Christmas, which makes me feel like the world is coming to an end. But actually, 414 days until the world comes to an end for real. According to the Mayans. And maybe Nostradamus but I'm pretty sure he was full of crap because all he ever said was crytic a-hole stuff like "The sky will turn dark and suffering will rain down upon the earth." Yeah, well, you know what buddy? I can do that too. "Everything will suck." See? I just predicted the future. And I didn't even have to be a cryptic a-hole about it. Suck it, Nostradamus.

Back to Christmas though... I don't really like Christmas. It's all commercial and cheerful. And I mean I'm as cheerful as the next person about the birth of our Savior, I really am. I think it's awesome. But like... I'm pretty sure there weren't gaudy lights and pine trees and jingle bells all over the effin' place when Jesus was chillin' in the manger. The expectation for cheer when there's like a 50% chance of me falling unceremoniously on my face on the ice is absurd. That's rights, beyotches, bah-m-f'in-humbug.

I'm getting nothing but coal in my stocking this year.

...which, seriously, Santa, enough with the fossil fuels. Can we... like... go green already?