It put a short in my circuits or something.
I've cried like 7 times today. I get this horrible sense of dread, I sob for about a minute, then I feel numb for a while and then I'm almost generally okay for a while. It's a horrible cycle. I can't even be funny right now I hurt so bad. I kind of think this whole trip was a horrible idea because now being at home just seems wrong. I feel like my life lacks beauty and purpose now. It was the best 4 days of my life and it was a terrible idea. Everything was so beautiful and it just felt like home. And it felt like a beautiful, wonderful dream being there.
I'm not going to school tomorrow. Something will remind me of Matt or of the mountains or of the wonderful people I met and the sense of belonging I felt and I will dissolve into tears and make a spectacle of myself and my contacts will get all foggy so I'm just not gonna go. I'm too depressed.
Darn you, Utah, for breaking my heart.
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